So, me and my girlfriend of 9 months had a discussion about our sexual history, what we’ve done, etc. One of things we talked about was the number of people we’ve had sex with. Mine was rather low, not for any particular reason. But, hers was over fifty. I didn’t say anything in the moment, but I’m really freaked out.
Since the talk I can’t look at her without thinking about how many people she has had sex with. I don’t want to say I think she’s a whore, but that’s kind of how I feel. I know it’s bad to think that way, but I can’t help it. It’s just icky.
I really want to get over this, but I don’t know how. If I can’t get over it, I don’t think I can keep dating her. I’ve already lost my desire to have sex with her. I don’t know what to do.
M/24/Hetero
While I’m glad that you know that you’re being childish and irrational, but I still need to say it. You’re being childish and irrational.
It is understandable to show concern about your sex partners’ health. STIs are not Pokemon, you don’t want to catch ‘em all. But, if it’s really a concern for you then you probably should find out all that information BEFORE you have sex with someone.
If you’ve been dating her for nine months and having sex with her for that entire time, you can’t have been too concerned. Just because you know the actual number and extent to which she has been sexually active shouldn’t change that.
What you’re doing right now is slut shaming your girlfriend. You’re making her feel bad because she’s more sexually experienced, which is unacceptable behavior in any sexual relationship.
There is nothing I can say to you that will make you feel better about it, because you’ve already decided that it’s bad. All I can say to you is grow up. Everyone is someone’s leftovers. Every single person you have ever had or will have sex with has experiences and histories that have helped them become who they are. Unless those experiences are communicable, you have nothing to worry about.